Loss and Grief

Broken Heart

Our loss could be from death, end of a relationship, infidelity, health issues, career difficulties, loss of trust, loss of safety, or loss of faith.

When we experience a significant loss, it is our heart, not our head, that is broken. It is the main reason that the well-meaning messages of comfort, such as “he is in a better place,” “she did not deserve you,” “it could be worse,” or “life has to go on,” does little or nothing to make us feel better.

Often, we cannot run away from the intense emotions that seem to envelop us. If we can avoid these emotions, it usually takes the form of numbness, where the emotions – easy and difficult emotions – are dulled or silenced. We are just going through the motions. A lot of things seem to be happening, and yet nothing seems to be happening.

Moving in Circles

You can find yourself even feeling better after some time which raises the hope that you are finally getting out of the grief period. Yet, the overflow of emotions and thoughts can and do often just come back without any warning signs.

Over the years, we might have heard of the many myths of grief that usually are not as helpful as one would imagine and sometimes even keep us turning our wheels without any recovery or healing. These myths include ‘time heals all wounds,’ ‘don’t feel bad,’ or ‘replace the loss.’ This mis-information can lead to negative judgments of the emotions we are having or not having. We find ourselves saying we should not feel bad after all someone has it worse than us or saying we don’t deserve to be happy without [fill in the blank].

As we go through our difficult situations, we often feel inclined to say, “I’m moving on,” but we find ourselves moving in circles.

I belief that the many conflicting feelings we experience are normal and natural reactions to the loss. Pretending to be okay when going through a painful experience would keep you in the spot of unresolved grief.

I have found that while the many feelings we have attempt to convince us that we cannot handle having all of them at once, it is in accepting and acknowledging these feelings that we start making headway in our healing.

Time Does Not Heal

One thing I have learned is: time does not heal. It is the actions we take in time that bring on the healing. There are no stages of healing to go through. Each person has their own unique path to walk.

Grief is not a pathology. You do not need to be fixed, analyzed, criticized or judged. My work is to help you complete the relationship to the pain, isolation, loneliness and other difficult emotions brought on by the significant emotional loss. You need to be listened to with dignity and respect. In so doing, you can discover your ability to transform the quality of your life and therefore be fully available to relationships in your life.

I would love to support you in your journey toward healing and recovery. Please contact me at (301) 383-5620 to set up a free phone consultation or complete the online contact form, and I will respond promptly.